Imperfect me.
I struggle with depression, I always have and probably always will. The first thing Satan does to get the depression rolling is to isolate me away from friends and believers. Because Satan knows that I have amazing friends waiting to lift me up in spirit with scripture and who are great at reminding me that I am a child of Jesus Christ and that Satan has NO business telling me anything! There is a scene in one of the Harry Potter movies where Harry is starting to isolate himself from his friends, while walking in the woods he meets a friend, a girl who is a bit weird by most standards. Harry and this girl talk a bit and she then says, "If I were you-know-who I would want you to be isolated from your friends, because your easier to get to that way", that's not an exact quote, but you get the picture. It's the same with Satan, if he can get us alone, he can get us to believe just about anything.
I recently emailed my cousin and asked for prayer because I am dealing with depression, but I was also dealing with a bigger issue that I couldn't put my finger on. An issue that until I recognized it for what it was I couldn't deal with it.
Then it hit me one day, I'm battle inadequacy! I think I'm not good enough. I am battling the thought, "I am by definition considered morbidly obese." What an awful thing to be labeled! Yuck. The thought of being morbidly obese filterers into every single area of my life. It affects everything! I battle with thoughts of living in a three bedroom apartment with five people, three of them being kids. My house is somewhat picked up and clean, but it's an apartment with a family and there is always stuff everywhere. I am struggling with keeping a food menu together, which means I am almost certain I am overspending on groceries. Overspending at our house is a big concern because we like many families have to pinch our pennies.
So what do I do? I go to the word! I go to my Father God and admit my short comings. I admit that I am not being organized, I admit that I need to get back to being balanced. I go to the word and get reaffirmed about who I am and who I belong to. I get reaffirmed in the word, I take every thought captive! The clutter in my home I deal with my looking around me and asking myself, my husband, and my kids what do we need to get rid of. What toys aren't my kids playing with, what bins, movies, books are we not reading and using. For meal planning I go look in my cupboards, fridge, and pantries to see what items I have to make meals with and get my menu going. Menu planning does tons of things! It allows me more free time with my family and friends because supper is either in the crock pot, marinading, or is able to be fixed at the last moment. Menu planning lets me go to the beach with no worries about what to feed my hungry family. Meal planning insures that my family is eating balanced and nourishing meals. It means that my suppers become lunches and saves us tons of money because we are reusing what I am making! Two meals with one shot! Awesome!
When I have the feeling of not being good enough, it's usually because my life is off balance somewhere and I need to stop and figure out what I need to do to stop tripping on my own feet. It makes so much more work for myself!
The truth of the matter is this, I am not good enough and I never will be! But, Jesus Christ is good enough and he always will be. Philippians 1:6 I am confidence that he who began a good work in me WILL perfect it until the day of Christ! How exciting is that?!!! It gives me permission to be imperfect! It reassures me that when I get off balanced, Jesus is going to work with me to get balanced. When my house gets cluttered, it's another chance to learn to be organized. Dealing with being morbidly obese, learning to curb my desires, learning to deny myself the delicacies that my 30 year old body can no longer work off as fast as my 25 year old body could.
In the mean time I will rest in the amazing knowledge and truth that I am Confident that Jesus who began a good work in me WILL complete me until he comes back!!! I'm a work in progress, my paint is still wet...but that's OK!
