The Lord is teaching me what it means to truly honestly give everything over to him. Telling him I'm annoyed, telling him I'm bitter, telling him I'm lonely. Sharing with him my excitement, rejoicing because I know any blessing has come from Him. I am truly learning to lean on the everlasting. Knowing he has never once given my care over to another. He allows his angels to guard me but that's like asking someone to babysit your kids so you can clean your house. Even though someones eye is on your kids your ears are still open. You still have a say, the say over what happens with your kids. Same with God. He lets his angels show concern over us, watch us, but HE has the final say. There is nothing outside of His control that he is ready to intercede on.
I am finding that dialouging with the Lord telling him is helping me hold every thought captive. I struggle a lot with being angry because I feel I am having to do my kids on my own. They are my kids and my responsibility. But I am taking my frustrations, my bitterness, and anger and bringing them to the feet of Jesus. Every time it comes up I go right to the throne! Tell all of it to him and my thoughts are taken captive, I remind myself (the holy spirit reminds me) what the truth of the matter really is, and continue. Often having to repeat these steps every second of everyday. But that's the beauty of Jesus He already knows this is something I need to do all day everyday. Allowing me to be closer to righteousness!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
understanding
The beauty of God's word is that it holds answers for every question I have. Maybe not billboard size, but if God wants me to understand something or wants to teach me something it is there for me in his word! This is true of my time in the word lately.
I shared early I struggle with jealousy. I struggle being joyful with someone else. A true struggle. I am also digging into what it means to love when we are all imperfect. This means we are going to need to confront sin at times in one anothers lives. If you are not use to this than it's quite a sting to the system. If you are use to it, than it is still quite a sting to the system. I am doing a Beth Moore bible study and in it was scripture leading us to the place were we can complain and bring our complaints. We can bring our complaints to our friend Jesus! I had not thought of this for some reason. I have been wondering, if I am in the middle of trying to having a good attitude, so as to glorify the Lord. What do I do with my feelings, I know feelings are just that feelings, I know they are not truth. Yet as much as I want to wish them away they don't poof disappear. My attitude doesn't poof change and make me like my twins more. BUT...I can talk with Jesus! I can tell him all my griefs. When I'm heavy laden I can take it to him in prayer! DUH!!! I can complain to Jesus. I can tell him my frustrations, I can tell him what I hate. In the confessing to him my heart changes. Something gets released to him when I reveal to him my ugliness, my thoughts I want no one else to hear or even imagine I'm thinking! My frustrations, my bad attitude I can't change has somewhere to go! There is a garbage dump that returns joy and gladness for your nasty slimy ugly self! Yet it's the most beautiful garbage drop off site I've ever seen! There is no murkiness, the baggage and slim dissapear. His lake were he throws my burdens and sins must be VERY VERY deep!!!!
Yes Jesus knows my every weakness, when I'm heavy laden, and cannot bear another minute. When my twins are drawing every ounce of patience I have, when Maddie has peed on the floor for the 10th time during potty training, when I don't want to jump with joy at anothers blessing...take it to the Lord in prayer!!! He loves me! He LOVES me! A foul disgusting mess and he LOVES me!!!!
Thank you Jesus!
I shared early I struggle with jealousy. I struggle being joyful with someone else. A true struggle. I am also digging into what it means to love when we are all imperfect. This means we are going to need to confront sin at times in one anothers lives. If you are not use to this than it's quite a sting to the system. If you are use to it, than it is still quite a sting to the system. I am doing a Beth Moore bible study and in it was scripture leading us to the place were we can complain and bring our complaints. We can bring our complaints to our friend Jesus! I had not thought of this for some reason. I have been wondering, if I am in the middle of trying to having a good attitude, so as to glorify the Lord. What do I do with my feelings, I know feelings are just that feelings, I know they are not truth. Yet as much as I want to wish them away they don't poof disappear. My attitude doesn't poof change and make me like my twins more. BUT...I can talk with Jesus! I can tell him all my griefs. When I'm heavy laden I can take it to him in prayer! DUH!!! I can complain to Jesus. I can tell him my frustrations, I can tell him what I hate. In the confessing to him my heart changes. Something gets released to him when I reveal to him my ugliness, my thoughts I want no one else to hear or even imagine I'm thinking! My frustrations, my bad attitude I can't change has somewhere to go! There is a garbage dump that returns joy and gladness for your nasty slimy ugly self! Yet it's the most beautiful garbage drop off site I've ever seen! There is no murkiness, the baggage and slim dissapear. His lake were he throws my burdens and sins must be VERY VERY deep!!!!
Yes Jesus knows my every weakness, when I'm heavy laden, and cannot bear another minute. When my twins are drawing every ounce of patience I have, when Maddie has peed on the floor for the 10th time during potty training, when I don't want to jump with joy at anothers blessing...take it to the Lord in prayer!!! He loves me! He LOVES me! A foul disgusting mess and he LOVES me!!!!
Thank you Jesus!
God Hugs
Today has been a God hug day. The kind of day where you know someone prayed for you because it started rough and turned out smooth. Well so far it's going smooth I realize any second could turn into craziness. But I also know so far it's been ok. The twins took a great afternoon nap which allowed me to get ALL the laundry done! To spend some time with Maddie. We have been hiding in my room while the twins nap. They nap longer with no noise and Maddie thinks it's awesome to have mommy and Maddie time in our room. Works out for both of us. We discovered some games on our computer that Maddie thinks is awesome and thus has allowed for some fun one on one time with her. On top of getting laundry done I also got the carpet vaccumed. Not the kind were you move everything on the floor to get it efficent but enough so that there are not smashed crackers on the floor anymore. The nasty hair, lint, nastiness on my carpet is gone. Perhaps I will even try to tackle the bathroom today...maybe or maybe I'll attempt that tomorrow. I am excited to start putting things in there place, sounds funny I know, but there are times both twins erupt at the sametime and there is nothing to do but leave things as they lay. This drives Mark nuts! Me not so much because I do things like that anyways and it makes sense to me to pick it up later. I don't know why I think this because it would be easier to pick it up the first time thenI wouldn't have to go back and do it. I know this, my brain knows this, but my habits don't know this. Anyone picking up what I'm dropping here. So tomorrow is attempt to pick up day and clean the bathroom day! Though I've learned in quick order NOT to get frustrated if all I get done in a day is feed kids, love them with patience, and still like my kids and husband at the end of the day. If at the end of the day I can say I have glorified God in my words, in my interactions with the ones dearest to me I have accomplished a lot more than what my house looks like! Because I have gotten done and have accomplished what looks best on the inside of me and that is priceless!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Example
Little feet, little hands, little eyes
Little feet go where I go, little hands yearn to do what I do.
Little eyes want to see what I see. She believes me.
She believes me when I say I love her.
More importantly she believes me when I say Jesus loves her.
Oh Lord help me show her,
by my words and by my actions that I love you.
Little hands want to feel the pizza dough.
Little feet want to dance to a song only she can hear.
Little eyes want to see I love her even when she's disobeyed.
My little one looks to me for how to handle the big bad world.
She learns how to be angry from me. She learns how to love from me.
She learns how to communicate from me.
Oh Lord let me serve you by actions.
Lord I want so badly for her to see you in me.
Thank you for giving me your word which shows me how to live.
Thank you for showing me how to live so that I might show Maddie.
Little hands, little feet, little words, a little heart.
A sponge in the hands of my shaking hands.
Lord help me soak my little sponge in your loving capable hands.
Let me make the choices that will teach my little one how to react.
How to love when wronged. How to persever when under trial.
How to rejoice with others excitment.
How to trust the Lord when it seems he's quiet
and his direction unclear.
Let me soak my little ones hands, feet, eyes, and soul in you!!!
Robin Russell - 4/24/2010
Little feet go where I go, little hands yearn to do what I do.
Little eyes want to see what I see. She believes me.
She believes me when I say I love her.
More importantly she believes me when I say Jesus loves her.
Oh Lord help me show her,
by my words and by my actions that I love you.
Little hands want to feel the pizza dough.
Little feet want to dance to a song only she can hear.
Little eyes want to see I love her even when she's disobeyed.
My little one looks to me for how to handle the big bad world.
She learns how to be angry from me. She learns how to love from me.
She learns how to communicate from me.
Oh Lord let me serve you by actions.
Lord I want so badly for her to see you in me.
Thank you for giving me your word which shows me how to live.
Thank you for showing me how to live so that I might show Maddie.
Little hands, little feet, little words, a little heart.
A sponge in the hands of my shaking hands.
Lord help me soak my little sponge in your loving capable hands.
Let me make the choices that will teach my little one how to react.
How to love when wronged. How to persever when under trial.
How to rejoice with others excitment.
How to trust the Lord when it seems he's quiet
and his direction unclear.
Let me soak my little ones hands, feet, eyes, and soul in you!!!
Robin Russell - 4/24/2010
Change
Change
No matter how late or early I rise, you are already awake.
Ready to tackle anything that comes.
I ask your blessing on the day in hopes I will do as little damage as possible.
Praying I will be a blessing, praying my tongue will be bridled.
I want to look out for the interest of others.
I need to see others better than myself because you ask me to.
Yet I know in my heart as soon as I close my quiet time,
My words will pierce, my attitude will sour, and my soul will crumble.
I do not do what I want to do and do what I don’t want to do.
Why? Why must I become what I don’t want to become.
Teach me Lord, show me Lord how to live out my quiet times.
Give me the ability to choose to obey, to choose joy.
I am jealous, seething with coveting. Seething with wanting what others have.
Deal with me Lord. Change my heart. Help me love others.
You are always concerned with me. You ask me to change even if it’s painful.
I know you have my best interest at heart.
I know you won’t ask something of me unless it’s for my good or for your glory.
You know my deepest darkest ugliness.
Help me to Love you and to Love others. Help me to see others as better than myself.
Forgive me Lord for my jealousy and bitterness. Change my heart. Change my life.
Lord Change me. Let me be the one to be changed.
Robin Russell – 4/23/2010
No matter how late or early I rise, you are already awake.
Ready to tackle anything that comes.
I ask your blessing on the day in hopes I will do as little damage as possible.
Praying I will be a blessing, praying my tongue will be bridled.
I want to look out for the interest of others.
I need to see others better than myself because you ask me to.
Yet I know in my heart as soon as I close my quiet time,
My words will pierce, my attitude will sour, and my soul will crumble.
I do not do what I want to do and do what I don’t want to do.
Why? Why must I become what I don’t want to become.
Teach me Lord, show me Lord how to live out my quiet times.
Give me the ability to choose to obey, to choose joy.
I am jealous, seething with coveting. Seething with wanting what others have.
Deal with me Lord. Change my heart. Help me love others.
You are always concerned with me. You ask me to change even if it’s painful.
I know you have my best interest at heart.
I know you won’t ask something of me unless it’s for my good or for your glory.
You know my deepest darkest ugliness.
Help me to Love you and to Love others. Help me to see others as better than myself.
Forgive me Lord for my jealousy and bitterness. Change my heart. Change my life.
Lord Change me. Let me be the one to be changed.
Robin Russell – 4/23/2010
Jealousy washed away
Jealousy washed away
Draw me close to you.
Let me watch you, learn from you, imitate you.
A newborn foal follows its mother.
Sticking close to its mother’s side and watching her every move.
Knowing its very survival depends on its ability to watch its mother’s signals.
Let me watch your signals knowing my peace of mind is in you.
My relationships with others depend on you.
My relationships depend on how I respond to them,
whether in love or in jealousy.
I am unable to love anyone with bitterness and jealousy in my heart.
My jealousy runs deeply, the point I am untrustworthy of others.
I am rotten and spoiled because of my jealousy,
because I covet what others have.
I covet what others are, I covet what others do.
To my very core, a root, that needs desperately to be dug up.
Dig it up Lord, take out the very roots.
Let me not look to others for happiness, but seek you out for my joy.
I have searched you and I wanted you to find the wicked ways in my heart.
You searched, you found, and you revealed to me the vial disgusting sludge.
Your word, prayer, and time will clean up the filth.
I know you will allow opprunity for me to practice the truth you have shown me.
I cannot practice it without your Holy Spirit showing me my attitude.
Holy Spirit help me to see my attitude.
Let me be conscious and make an effort to be excited for others.
Let me be concerned with others joy and to dance with them when they dance.
Let me sing for joy when they sing, let me Praise your Holy name in thanksgiving
For the awesome things you are doing in others lives.
Praise the Lord oh my soul, Praise the Lord.
Robin Russell – 4/23/2010
Draw me close to you.
Let me watch you, learn from you, imitate you.
A newborn foal follows its mother.
Sticking close to its mother’s side and watching her every move.
Knowing its very survival depends on its ability to watch its mother’s signals.
Let me watch your signals knowing my peace of mind is in you.
My relationships with others depend on you.
My relationships depend on how I respond to them,
whether in love or in jealousy.
I am unable to love anyone with bitterness and jealousy in my heart.
My jealousy runs deeply, the point I am untrustworthy of others.
I am rotten and spoiled because of my jealousy,
because I covet what others have.
I covet what others are, I covet what others do.
To my very core, a root, that needs desperately to be dug up.
Dig it up Lord, take out the very roots.
Let me not look to others for happiness, but seek you out for my joy.
I have searched you and I wanted you to find the wicked ways in my heart.
You searched, you found, and you revealed to me the vial disgusting sludge.
Your word, prayer, and time will clean up the filth.
I know you will allow opprunity for me to practice the truth you have shown me.
I cannot practice it without your Holy Spirit showing me my attitude.
Holy Spirit help me to see my attitude.
Let me be conscious and make an effort to be excited for others.
Let me be concerned with others joy and to dance with them when they dance.
Let me sing for joy when they sing, let me Praise your Holy name in thanksgiving
For the awesome things you are doing in others lives.
Praise the Lord oh my soul, Praise the Lord.
Robin Russell – 4/23/2010
I cannot without the I AM!
I cannot love without you.
My flesh is too weak, my soul not strong enough.
I am incapable of reacting differently when wounded without you.
I want so badly to love without needing anything in return,
I know this is completely impossible without you!
I get angry and bitter and I know the only place to be rid of it, is to come sobbing at your feet.
Loneliness entangles me and tells me I am unworthy or anything,
You fill me up as no one else ever will be able to.
I am unable but you are able.
I am safe in your arms. I am never outside of your vision.
I am within your grasp,
When I am about to fall you reach your holy arms out and catch me.
Sometimes you allow me to fall, reminding me I am weak, without my I AM!
Even in my falling I am not outside of your protection.
In my falling you know exactly how far and how hard I can fall.
You know when it’s time to make your presence known.
Perfect timing teaching me how deep, how long, how forever your love is.
I cannot, am not, will not ever anything when I am not hanging on to you!
I look unto the mountains and yet it is not only mountains I see, I see you the Creator.
I do not walk the dangerous path without knowing it is you who keeps my feet from stumbling.
I cling to the knowledge that you are my protector who does not slumber.
You are my protector always on guard while the sun is up and when the moon takes its place.
I am not, cannot anything without you Lord Jesus.
It is you, only you Lord Jesus that protects me from the creator’s wrath.
Your blood that covers me and allows God to welcome me as redeemed.
It is you Jesus who allows me to walk, love; see others as better than myself.
It is you Jesus, only you Jesus!
Robin Russell….4/22/2010
I cannot love without you.
My flesh is too weak, my soul not strong enough.
I am incapable of reacting differently when wounded without you.
I want so badly to love without needing anything in return,
I know this is completely impossible without you!
I get angry and bitter and I know the only place to be rid of it, is to come sobbing at your feet.
Loneliness entangles me and tells me I am unworthy or anything,
You fill me up as no one else ever will be able to.
I am unable but you are able.
I am safe in your arms. I am never outside of your vision.
I am within your grasp,
When I am about to fall you reach your holy arms out and catch me.
Sometimes you allow me to fall, reminding me I am weak, without my I AM!
Even in my falling I am not outside of your protection.
In my falling you know exactly how far and how hard I can fall.
You know when it’s time to make your presence known.
Perfect timing teaching me how deep, how long, how forever your love is.
I cannot, am not, will not ever anything when I am not hanging on to you!
I look unto the mountains and yet it is not only mountains I see, I see you the Creator.
I do not walk the dangerous path without knowing it is you who keeps my feet from stumbling.
I cling to the knowledge that you are my protector who does not slumber.
You are my protector always on guard while the sun is up and when the moon takes its place.
I am not, cannot anything without you Lord Jesus.
It is you, only you Lord Jesus that protects me from the creator’s wrath.
Your blood that covers me and allows God to welcome me as redeemed.
It is you Jesus who allows me to walk, love; see others as better than myself.
It is you Jesus, only you Jesus!
Robin Russell….4/22/2010
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