Tonight I am reminded of Caedmon's Call lyrics, "This world has nothing for me and this world is everything, all that I could want and nothing that I need". The last couple of months I have had two friends develop cancer, both went under crazy amounts of radiation and chemo, and both had two very different results. My one friend after undergoing a hardcore cancer recipe has been declared cancer free. However, cancer has assaulted my other friends body. His wife has had to tell his children that their daddy is dying and that now it's about making daddy comfortable.
Complete opposite outcomes. I feel both triumph and udder sadness at the same time. I felt this deep stirring of emotions when the twins were born. A friend of ours had a son and he only lived a few hours. I was excited at the birth of our twins, but my heart wept and bleed for this mother who lost her baby. I cried out to the Lord in the unfairness of giving me twins and taking her one. Could He not have given us each one baby and called it good? My heart was torn.
As I mull over these two opposite reactions, as I mull over the pain in both situations, I know that God works for good even in our pain. I have found that it is in my agony and deep grief, that if I let God hold me, if I allow myself to get mad at God, if I allow myself to feel the pain and unfairness. It is in this place that God meets me, when he comes he brings peace. He does not always give me clarity, he doesn't always give me a reason, but he does show himself to me. He does show me sunshine in the darkness of my pain. He does not let me sink, he carries me, and lets me cry.
There is joy in miracles and tears in goodbyes. I don't really understand either, but I do know my God has proven himself to me over and over. I pray that when the road is dark and I don't understand, I pray God will pick me up and carry me.
Please pray for my friend who's family is getting ready to say goodbye to him. Lord, bring them your peace, bring them the strength that only you can give.