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Wednesday, August 21, 2013

I use to want to...

Loving life for me looks like watching
my husband spending time with our kiddos!
I use to look at other people's lives and wonder why my life wasn't as fun filled as theirs. Wondered why I didn't have the awesome camper, the amazing diamond ring, or a thrilling adventurous life. I kept hearing my friends say how much they loved their lives and they truly meant it, they really did love their life. I would start crying, because I didn't love my life and I wanted to.

It occurred to me that if I was desiring something, if I wanted something, or if there was something missing in my life, then I needed to take these desires and wants to the Lord. I needed to align myself with Christ and get my attitude right.

Seeing sheer joy on Naomi's face...
is part of my loving life!
I went before the Lord and poured my heart out to him. I started with a pity party telling the Lord I see others have this, that, and the other thing. I then asked for forgiveness for having the pity party and then I could get to the heart of the matter. I told the Lord what I was really wanting was to love my life. I prayed continually for God to bring a love of life back into my life. 

As always, God hears, God cares, and God answered! First, God started with having me do a self evaluation. Why was I not loving life and was I responsible for the fact that I wasn't loving life. The answer was yes I was the one responsible for not loving my life. 

Loving life first begins with loving Jesus the savior and God the father. Real joy, lasting joy, can only come when one is abiding in Christ. Apart from Christ, apart from the vine (John 15:5) we can do nothing. Which means I cannot love life either. If I am not abiding in Christ then everything I am doing, every relationship I have is only meant to give me instant gratification, which will wear off after time. Some times with in minutes. My love of life first has to stem from a love of the father! The start of loving life was reconnecting to my "vine" and reconnecting to my savior. Allowing my savior to fill my cup to overflowing. The second thing was to being to pray for the Lord to bring into my life that which would bring me closer to him, but also fill my want of loving life.

My love of life also began by pouring out into others, spending time with friends. Having heart to heart conversations, mentoring young moms, and mentoring others. It has also looked like walking/running to get my body back into shape to have energy. This too has opened opportunities to go for walks with friends and again opening up time for conversation and time to deepen relationship with my friends. Loving life looks like holding my husbands hand and watching my kids ride their bike. Loving life looks like having great food, great friends, and great beer. Loving life looks like praying to either get back into horses or for the Lord to bring in a new passion. Loving life looks like me humbling myself and constant asking For more of Him and less of me. I seriously repeat this pretty much all day, every day. It's all I want in this world is to have more of God in me and less of myself.

watching Titus catch a fish for the first time
was a moment of loving life!
Loving life is a two fold process, it's asking God to open your eyes to the things your having pity parties about and then repenting of them. But, it's also looking around and seeing the things that already allow me to love my life. It's practicing thankfulness and gratitude.  Changing our perspective so that it radiates Christ back to us, allowing us to love life. 

If you don't know were to start, go to God the father and ask him. He is so faithful to his children! He loves us so much and he wants us to find joy abundantly. But, joy and a love of life will only ever come from Christ alone, from more of God and less of me!

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