Friday, January 13, 2012
Many of us search and search for what we have been created for, what is the big picture of my life? For the Christian this should be an easy one, to glorify God with all my heart, soul, and mind. My life should be an outpouring of my intimate relationship with God. But what areas does God want me to pour into? Does he want me to pour into full time ministry, does he want me to pour into my husband, my kids.
For me this has been a hard question. I have been looking outside my family for a ministry opportunity. To some of you this sounds admirable and yet some of you are thinking to yourself it's a no-brainer, my family is ministry. While my brain and heart know this, my soul hadn't yet caught up with the concept of my family being my ministry.
help meet. Not trying to be Mark's mommy, his boss, or even trying to be the Holy Spirit guiding his thoughts and actions. But being his help meet. Selflessly loving my husband so that God can use him at his best. So that Mark can go to work with a whistle in his breath and excitement in his step and a spirit that is light. My roll is to help Mark be able to glorify God and meet an ugly world that wants to bash his manliness! My roll is to affirm Mark as the man God has glorified him to be. The world can be an intimating place and a man needs someone to tell him that through Christ he can bring down a giant. My place is to affirm my man to accomplish all that the Lord has in store for him.
Now, being Mark's help meet is NOT possible without a deep love and respect for God, the creator of this world. It is not possible on my own, especially while I"m pmsing or just being a spiteful woman. Being Mark's help meet requires me to be in the word daily, to surround myself with other women who are like minded to encourage me to run the race. Being Mark's help meet requires tears while I die to myself again and submit to God who has created me to be a woman, a married woman, thus a help meet. Being Mark's help meet requires a conscious effort to practice being joyful and thankful at all times. It requires me to relax, laugh, and let go of control, letting one hand go of the monkey bars so I can swing to another rung trusting the Lord to land my hand safely on the next rung. It's scary letting go of control, the fear of the unknown, the fear of rejection and being unloved. The fear of standing alone giving my own for a man who might not return it.
Yet as I continue on the journey to be Mark's help meet I am learning through my own journey and the stories of other women who have gone before me that THIS route is THE route to take! Less of me and more of doing what God has asked me to do. Being Mark's helpmeet completely goes against what the world and even the christian world have to say about the "worth" of a woman and what are rolls look like.
I have chosen to choose joy and thanksgiving, I have chosen to giggle and try and see the lighter side to life. As I giggle, when Mark asks me to do something and I smile and happily do it, he is changing. Mark is becoming more joyful and relaxed. Lovemaking, which up until now was referred to by me as sex. When lovemaking is simply referred to ask sex, it is simply that. It is not an expression of love, it's just an act that doesn't really mean anything and something I'd rather have over with sooner than later. But it has become love making and I have come to love lovemaking! I am finding the sparks that had almost gone out, I have found that the missing spark was me...not Mark! Mark did try but how do you start a wet, cold, and frozen log?
I'm on a journey, a journey I am so thankful the Lord has brought to my attention. A journey that is going to glorify God and take Mark and I places we never thought we could go. I'm thankful that God loves me enough to go through painful journeys, that ask me to die more to myself and ask me to give God full control. Purging the junk out of heart, soul, and mind and fully submitting my will for his will!
Do I feel unequal to Mark, do I feel less of a person, do I feel like a servant? I honestly do not feel less of a person. As I have come to help Mark meet his needs, he has become aware of my needs. He has become a tender lover, a happy helpful helper around the house when he can. As I allow Mark his place of authority and leadership in our home he starts to be affirmed of his place in our home. As I allow Mark to become the man, he starts acting like a man, and less of a caged person in his own home. When I start to give Mark the authority, the kids fall in line with me. Our home becomes a peaceful place because I am allowing the order in our home that God has designed. Going outside of God's design is going outside of his protection for us. It is always better under God's design. Because I submit to Mark does not mean I have no pull in our home. I as a woman have more pull and power than I care to think about. I can use that pull to uplift, joyfully obey my husband, and pray for him or I can use that same power to destroy the man God has given me. Us women have a choice to build up or tear down, to get better or bitter. The choice is yours!
I'm on a journey...won't you seek to come on the journey with me?!