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Sunday, January 22, 2012

Nomad wonderings

Ever since I can remember I have never been content to stay in one place. I would get to a place, I would absorb it for all it was worth, then I would be ready to look for the next adventure, the next journey. I have seen amazing places in the United States, lived amongst amazing people. In each place God has taught me something that would prepare me for the next move of my life. But in all my wonderings I was still looking for something, something I couldn't grasp or comprehend but I knew there was something missing. I have known Jesus all of my life, I was saved at the age of 6 years old, I have lived a life of a missionary in full time ministry. I serve as a missionary to my husband and three kids now. When I prayed to ask God what it was I was missing or what it was I was looking for, I was not prepared for what he showed me. God showed me and told me the roaming I was doing, the moving from one place to another was because I was searching for God, I was searching for heaven. Some how my spirit knows earth is not it's home, earth is not my final destination. Some how my mind, body, and soul know that there is more to life than earth and it's fleshly trials and struggles.

I still struggle at times with the need to wonder and move around. There are times that I struggle and start looking for an outward source. It's in these times the Holy Spirit gently reminds me it is God I am looking for and it is the creator I already know and love that my soul, heart, and spirit are looking for. I have already found what I'm looking for and to rest in the creator, rest in my father God, and because Jesus Christ died for me, I can rest in the blood of Jesus because it's His blood that bridges the gap for me.  It's because of Jesus's blood I do not have to be afraid of the hollowness that was once between God and I, there is no hollowness now, there is only onness, that is found in Christ and knowing him.

So While I still wonder and my soul still searches for heaven, it's eternal peaceful home.  I am at peace and while it's fun to still go to different places and see all the wonders God has created, but I no longer wonder blindly with a hunger I don't know how to feed. God has given me what I need to feed the hungers of my soul here on earth, but I have to have a daily feeding, or my soul, spirit, and heart will be blinded and starved. God has given me The Holy Bible filled with the wisdom of God and to those who believe in his name and have confessed their sins and accepted Jesus Christ into their heart, to these people he has given The Holy Spirit.

Mark and I are renters, we are not yet ready to buy our own home...yet. We have moved eight times in six years. That is a lot of moving and honestly I'm tired of moving, I'm tired of loosing something every time we pack and unpack. I also struggle with making wherever we move to our home because at first it is just our house. It's the people in it, the woman in it, that makes it a home. But I struggle with this part because what if I get everything set up in just the right place and all of a sudden it's time to move again. I don't want to fix up a house we live in, that isn't mine because I don't want to invest in something that is not going to come with me. But the Lord reminded me today that earth and whatever house I live in is not my permanet destination. Earth is only a long layover before I go home to be with Jesus and My Abba Papa. What does this mean for me? It means I'm going to do my best to make our house a home. I'm going to do my best to make the house and yard we have the most enjoyable and beautiful as I can make it. I am going to do my best with the help of the Holy Spirit to deal with today and trust God for tomorrow. A tomorrow I may enjoy in heavenly paradise anyways.

I'm a nomad who wonders, who may never have a permant place on earth to call my own. But that's ok, because someday I will have mansion in heaven and I will spend eternity in the presence of God the Father.  I will choose to live as the gospel of Matthew says. Matthew 6:19-21 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

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