Confession

I desperately need to loose weight. I am what doctors call obese. The word sounds horrible and disgusting to me. I want to not only loose weight but I want to have energy. I want to wake up ready to tackle whatever lies ahead and know I have the energy to be able to do so. Having the physical energy some how also helps me with all the other parts of me. How do I discipline myself. I also am praying about what is the underlining cause of my eatting. The other frustration and I realize this is a phase is excerise. I really, honestly don't have time. The only time is at about five am which would be ok if Naomi could sleep through the night and if Maddie wasn't coming in our room at night and letting us know she needs to go potty. I am thankful we are at this stage in potty training where she is able to realize as she's sleeping she needs to go potty BUT it would be super if she could get through the night dry AND sleep through the night. We'll get there. Naomi has always been behind Titus in eatting which means she's behind him in sleeping because she can't pack the food away like he can. Like Maddie Naomi will get there. In the meantime I need to get my eatting under control and pray for the Lord to work in excersie. It will come I know it will! Weight has always been an issue and will probably always will be an issue. But it's one I can conquer and it's one I can control. My goal is to fit into a bikini I was able to fit in when Mark and I first got married and to fit into my wedding dress better than I did when I wore it down the ile. It's a tough road a head of me and I'm not sure how to start it. I'm not sure where to go BUT I am confident the Lord will take my hand and show me and get me where I need to go. I also need to loose weight because diabetes runs in my family and it starts later in life around 30's and 40's. The places I gain weight are the areas that most commonly trigger diabetes. I don't want a diease that I can control weather I get it or not. I WANT to loose weight I NEED to loose weight! Pray for me for this journey of loosing weight and KEEPING it off!!! I realize I had twins six months ago. I realize that you cannot loose in six months but nine months puts on and twins none the less. Things don't go back the way they are suppose to after being that stretched out! But I need to start my journey. I need to eat smart. I need to excerise smart. Make the time weather I'm tired or not. Perhaps I will be less tired if I am excerising! One step at a time I will get there!

Answer to Prayer

We, along with many of our family and friends have been praying for a three bedroom something. We were open to renting a house (though not realistic), an apt., a three bedroom something. Now the apt. across the hall, the one we have been on to open up is open. Depending on Mark and I we can move in either sept. 1st or Oct. 1st. Which ever works best for us. I am SOOO excited to move the twins out of the living room, into their own room, and into their own beds! Hurray!!! Thank you Jesus for hearing the desires of our hearts!

Brownie making 101

Doing a great job stirring the brownie mix.

The hardest part for her is resisting to lick the spoons, spatulas, and bowl until

after we're done.

One word sums this picture up. YUMMY!

how cute is she in her bakers apron and hat.

Maddie doing the most important job a baker can do!

Taste testing!

Maddie loves chocolate, pink, and sprinkles. The perfect salution is to make double chocolate brownies, with pink frosting, girlie color sprinkles and you have a heaven mae just for Maddie! While spending time with mommy, learning kitchen skills,and lots of other usual skills for life. She is in the stage of life where anything mommy is doing must be fun. She is learning to clean her room as well as dust her room. I have made it more into a game of follow the leader and she asked me today if she could play follow the leader with me the rags.

Telling it all to my ALL!!!

The Lord is teaching me what it means to truly honestly give everything over to him. Telling him I'm annoyed, telling him I'm bitter, telling him I'm lonely. Sharing with him my excitement, rejoicing because I know any blessing has come from Him. I am truly learning to lean on the everlasting. Knowing he has never once given my care over to another. He allows his angels to guard me but that's like asking someone to babysit your kids so you can clean your house. Even though someones eye is on your kids your ears are still open. You still have a say, the say over what happens with your kids. Same with God. He lets his angels show concern over us, watch us, but HE has the final say. There is nothing outside of His control that he is ready to intercede on.

I am finding that dialouging with the Lord telling him is helping me hold every thought captive. I struggle a lot with being angry because I feel I am having to do my kids on my own. They are my kids and my responsibility. But I am taking my frustrations, my bitterness, and anger and bringing them to the feet of Jesus. Every time it comes up I go right to the throne! Tell all of it to him and my thoughts are taken captive, I remind myself (the holy spirit reminds me) what the truth of the matter really is, and continue. Often having to repeat these steps every second of everyday. But that's the beauty of Jesus He already knows this is something I need to do all day everyday. Allowing me to be closer to righteousness!

understanding

The beauty of God's word is that it holds answers for every question I have. Maybe not billboard size, but if God wants me to understand something or wants to teach me something it is there for me in his word! This is true of my time in the word lately.

I shared early I struggle with jealousy. I struggle being joyful with someone else. A true struggle. I am also digging into what it means to love when we are all imperfect. This means we are going to need to confront sin at times in one anothers lives. If you are not use to this than it's quite a sting to the system. If you are use to it, than it is still quite a sting to the system. I am doing a Beth Moore bible study and in it was scripture leading us to the place were we can complain and bring our complaints. We can bring our complaints to our friend Jesus! I had not thought of this for some reason. I have been wondering, if I am in the middle of trying to having a good attitude, so as to glorify the Lord. What do I do with my feelings, I know feelings are just that feelings, I know they are not truth. Yet as much as I want to wish them away they don't poof disappear. My attitude doesn't poof change and make me like my twins more. BUT...I can talk with Jesus! I can tell him all my griefs. When I'm heavy laden I can take it to him in prayer! DUH!!! I can complain to Jesus. I can tell him my frustrations, I can tell him what I hate. In the confessing to him my heart changes. Something gets released to him when I reveal to him my ugliness, my thoughts I want no one else to hear or even imagine I'm thinking! My frustrations, my bad attitude I can't change has somewhere to go! There is a garbage dump that returns joy and gladness for your nasty slimy ugly self! Yet it's the most beautiful garbage drop off site I've ever seen! There is no murkiness, the baggage and slim dissapear. His lake were he throws my burdens and sins must be VERY VERY deep!!!!

Yes Jesus knows my every weakness, when I'm heavy laden, and cannot bear another minute. When my twins are drawing every ounce of patience I have, when Maddie has peed on the floor for the 10th time during potty training, when I don't want to jump with joy at anothers blessing...take it to the Lord in prayer!!! He loves me! He LOVES me! A foul disgusting mess and he LOVES me!!!!

Thank you Jesus!

God Hugs

Today has been a God hug day. The kind of day where you know someone prayed for you because it started rough and turned out smooth. Well so far it's going smooth I realize any second could turn into craziness. But I also know so far it's been ok. The twins took a great afternoon nap which allowed me to get ALL the laundry done! To spend some time with Maddie. We have been hiding in my room while the twins nap. They nap longer with no noise and Maddie thinks it's awesome to have mommy and Maddie time in our room. Works out for both of us. We discovered some games on our computer that Maddie thinks is awesome and thus has allowed for some fun one on one time with her. On top of getting laundry done I also got the carpet vaccumed. Not the kind were you move everything on the floor to get it efficent but enough so that there are not smashed crackers on the floor anymore. The nasty hair, lint, nastiness on my carpet is gone. Perhaps I will even try to tackle the bathroom today...maybe or maybe I'll attempt that tomorrow. I am excited to start putting things in there place, sounds funny I know, but there are times both twins erupt at the sametime and there is nothing to do but leave things as they lay. This drives Mark nuts! Me not so much because I do things like that anyways and it makes sense to me to pick it up later. I don't know why I think this because it would be easier to pick it up the first time thenI wouldn't have to go back and do it. I know this, my brain knows this, but my habits don't know this. Anyone picking up what I'm dropping here. So tomorrow is attempt to pick up day and clean the bathroom day! Though I've learned in quick order NOT to get frustrated if all I get done in a day is feed kids, love them with patience, and still like my kids and husband at the end of the day. If at the end of the day I can say I have glorified God in my words, in my interactions with the ones dearest to me I have accomplished a lot more than what my house looks like! Because I have gotten done and have accomplished what looks best on the inside of me and that is priceless!

Example

Little feet, little hands, little eyes
Little feet go where I go, little hands yearn to do what I do.
Little eyes want to see what I see. She believes me.
She believes me when I say I love her.
More importantly she believes me when I say Jesus loves her.
Oh Lord help me show her,
by my words and by my actions that I love you.
Little hands want to feel the pizza dough.
Little feet want to dance to a song only she can hear.
Little eyes want to see I love her even when she's disobeyed.
My little one looks to me for how to handle the big bad world.
She learns how to be angry from me. She learns how to love from me.
She learns how to communicate from me.
Oh Lord let me serve you by actions.
Lord I want so badly for her to see you in me.
Thank you for giving me your word which shows me how to live.
Thank you for showing me how to live so that I might show Maddie.
Little hands, little feet, little words, a little heart.
A sponge in the hands of my shaking hands.
Lord help me soak my little sponge in your loving capable hands.
Let me make the choices that will teach my little one how to react.
How to love when wronged. How to persever when under trial.
How to rejoice with others excitment.
How to trust the Lord when it seems he's quiet
and his direction unclear.
Let me soak my little ones hands, feet, eyes, and soul in you!!!

Robin Russell - 4/24/2010