I have been reading and reading and reading and reading some more. Reading about homeschooling, reading about Israel, God, and America, reading about how to live on one income. I am excited to read these, I'm excited God is teaching me now instead of teaching me it 20 years from now. I'm excited that I am being receptive to what God is wanting to teach me and that I am a well spring open to his outpouring. However, in this outpouring there is spiritual warfare. Satan, by no means want me to glean from what God is teaching me. He wants nothing more than for me to think I cannot do any of this. He knows my mind is my weakest part of me and that when he whispers things in my ear he knows I stop and listen and say is that true. Is it true I might not be able to do this, I won't ever catch on. How sneaky satan is to come in my mind and whisper exactly what he knows I will think of listening to! Can I stop spending money? For me this means not going to rummage sales, salvation army two of my great weaknesses. This means being fruggle with our groceries, it means being conscious of grocery sales and keeping myself in check!
I am a perfectionist and I demand more of myself than is reasonable. I expect myself to be able to sew the hardest pattern even though I've sewn hardly ever. I expect myself to automatically not be a spender when I am a spender. I expect myself to be patient, kind hearted, and servant hearted all the time. God expects me to do this too but he also knows I'm human. He knows I won't do all of this perfect, he also knows some of these areas I'm learning will always be just that learning. I will have to learn and relearn and then relearn again. However in my brain relearning is humbling, it's not relearning it's failing and failing is something I don't do well. When Iworked at camp and I did something wrong my boss Becki knowing I was already beating myself up use to say oh my goodness you failed and live to tell about it! She was joking but was also serious. If I fail while there are consequnces sometimes no one will die. Thankfully God is big enough and is prepared to love me and help me through those consequences.
Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out. This I am confident that He who began a good workin me WILL be faithful to complete me! I'm being completed to the glory of Christ Jesus! Remembering I'm not completed helps, knowing I am a work in progress and always will be is amazing freedom in knowing I will conquer and understand what God wants me to in His timing!