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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Days like this

I hate days like the one I'm having today. Days when I have more emotions and hormones flowing through me than my kids, my husband, or I can keep up with. It's days like today when it's best that everyone lay low from me and wait for it to pass. The kind of day no matter how hard I try the only thing that results from my trying is tears, tears, and more tears. The kind of day where I cannot be strong any longer and I look for someone, anyone to be strong for me. It's wonderful when God sends it in physical form of a friend or family, but sometimes it is simply me crying it out and then letting God hold me and be strong for me. Sometimes it's simply trusting that whatever is going on inside of me at the moment is something God is big enough to handle and will sort it all out in due time. Sometimes I understand it as I wade through it, other times at the end of the day and perhaps the end of my life I will still not know what some of these days are about. Days where I feel under appreciated, unloved, and used. Days when I have to remember what it is this life is for. To glorify God, to love him with all my heart, soul, and mind. That is my purpose, that is what life is about. It's not about me, though days like today I wish it were. Days like today I wish someone would hand me a HUGE gigantic box of chocolates, all the movies I could possibly want to watch, and then post a sign on the door saying please leave alone and I will let you know when you can enter. A whole day or days to let myself catch up on thinking and doing. Even better to have a flat screen tv in a bathroom with a HUGE bathtub with bubbles and chocolate. Time to reflect that I really do not only love my kids and husband but that I really do enjoy them. I forget that I enjoy them and have fun with them. Much of the time I am so busy keeping everyone in clean clothes, fully tummies, and clean bodies that I rarely have time to stop and realize that they are wonderful and a blessing. I'm thankful that I know the truth of scripture, I am thankful to a God who reminds me of what is important. But I do wish someone would hand me a day off card from everything and with that card would come a don't worry about the laundry, dishes, floors, toilet, bed they will all be done when you are done relaxing and having a day to yourself. Wouldn't a day like that be amazing!! I smile thinking about such a day.

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