Today was one of those days were I realized as a wife, a mom, a friend, and every other hat I put on for others needed to be taken off so I could wash my hair so to speak. I needed to get away, to soak in one on one time with my saviour Jesus. To tell him I'm burnt out, to tell him I'm sure I love my kids and I'm sure I'm glad I have twins but I'm not sure at this moment that I do. I know at these moments Jesus is coming to my rescue. I know he knows at this point I have had enough and need some alone time. Sometimes it takes place in the form of all three kids napping for a long period of time all at once. Sometimes in blissful moments like today the grandma's come to my rescue and take them for an afternoon! Oh how amazing five hours ALL by myself feels! Once the kids have walked out the door it's hard to decide what to do first. Do I take a bath? Do I sit down and do nothing, take a nap, do errands that require no children in tow?! But then I hear it, the strong gentle voice of my saviour saying me first! Come talk with me before you do one thing more!
I journaled today. I journaled that I do not like having twins and that I didn't know how I was going to make it through the day. I wrote how much I want a three bedroom, a house would be awesome, but a three bedroom shack would work at this point! I wrote how I need more me time, yet it seems selfish, but i know it's not selfish, I know by taking care of me I will be able to better take care of family. My attitude will be way better than I am sure of!
God heard my heart today. Is there any better hug from God then when you know he has heard you and has answered you. If if the answer is no or yes but you need to wait a little while longer. It's fabulous when it's a yes or he makes something marvelous happen. But some how there is even peace in a no I know has a come directly from the lips of God. Because I know if it's his lips saying it he's got a darn good reason for saying it. Knowing he has my best interest at heart. Today I got a keep waiting and a yes. I called my mom and at this point I was completely fried as a wife and mommy. Feeling like I had nothing else to give! One more twin crying, one more whine from Maddie and I felt ready to snap. Praise the Lord oh my sould that he kept me gentle, he kept me understanding and being compassionate to my kids! That was a God moment in and of itself! Today was also smoke/carbon monoxide decter checks. Where the manager comes around and makes sure they are working. He asked if everything was still working, then he assured me that we were still on the waiting list for a three bedroom AND the office is working to have one open for us to move into! How awesome is that! The building is also key. There is a building where they are allowed to smoke and we do NOT want to be in that building. Which leaves only two buildings left we can move to. Preferably the one we are in but it's not very likely. So we are waiting, still waiting to be able to spread our wings. But I know God heard my cry for recharging my batteries and for a bit more space! God talked to me today! I love conversations with people when I know it's not them talking it's the Lord talking directly through them. They may not have a clue but my soul knows it and connects with it right away! Praise the Lord oh my soul praise the Lord!